Keith – Page 3 – Keith's Thoughts

Why vegetarians (and vegans) should NOT eat capers.

(14 July 2020) This week I am pleased to announce that I have uncovered a worldwide secret- one which will shame the acting profession. It has been hidden for centuries; only now will it be revealed.

I refer to the caper, a pointless pickled lump found in jars with no apparent purpose other than being another pizza topping.

It all started in the early half of the 18^th Century with a jobbing gardener -Lancelot Brown.

He did bits and pieces for the wealthy in their gardens but his great love was the theatre and all his spare time was spent hanging around the theatrical scene in London. He was a well-known “face”, known as “Billy” to his friends.

One fine summer day he made the discovery that changed his life. Tidying up a scruffy corner in the grounds of a large country house he noticed something stirring in the undergrowth. Fortunately, he had a large magnifying class in his apron; peering through it he saw some tiny creatures scurrying about. He picked one up, inadvertently crushing it to death in his strong fingers. Immediately he was overwhelmed with extreme sadness and tears poured down his rugged features. Using his coarse woven smock to wipe away the tears he picked up another one and crushed it. He experienced the same feeling and marking the spot he collected some of the creatures for his return to London.

That evening he met Madelaine (an actor who in later life found fame when she moved to France and invented a small almond based cake). She was known for her comic abilities but had just gained a lead role in a serious drama requiring real tears on stage. She was worried about her ability to do this. Billy reached into his pocket and crushed a creature under her nose. She dissolved in floods of tears. Eureka! “What is that? she asked tearfully.

Hurriedly Billy thought of the way the creatures capered around their nest and blurted “capers”

He kept her supplied with a steady stock; she was a huge success bursting into tears when required, (and unsettling some of the audience in the front rows).

Billy started growing small caper colonies in all the gardens he worked on to maintain and increase his stock. His fame spread and suddenly he was in great demand by all those in the profession who required instant tears. His nickname became “Caper Billy Brown.”

He did not take money, just asked his clients to recommend his gardening skills, which they did gladly, thus providing him with such a steady income that he employed a small team of gardeners to do most of the work. He focussed on growing small caper colonies in hidden corners. Even today, should you be the kind of person who enjoys visiting 18^th century gardens, go to a far south facing corner and there will be a slightly unkempt patch where the capers live.

As time moved inexorably on his name became corrupted to Capability Brown as Billy was seen as a proletarian name amongst the upper echelons.

Some actors were squeamish at crushing a live creature between their fingers; undaunted Billy experimented and found that by putting the creatures into a strong brine solution not only did their little legs drop off but that their lachrymose powers were retained. (They normally strain off the legs but if you inspect the bottom of a jar closely there are often one or two remaining).

Billy then went into serious production. Cleverly, once everyone was using “Billy’s Bottled Tears”, he created a rumour that these were exotic flower buds, grown overseas- a falsehood that still exists to this very day.

The use of capers remains a guilty secret in the acting profession. Actors like to show they can act; when asked how they manage to appear sad they talk earnestly of remembering their dead grandmother or dying children in a far-off continent. They never say they crush a small creature to get the required emotion.

How can you spot usage? It is concealed until you know how to look for it. When someone bursts into tears there is a close up of their face.

What you can’t see is the “Caper boy” (the person on set who guards the capers) kneeling down out of shot and crushing a caper. When the camera pans back the proffered handkerchief or sleeve is also caper infused to keep up the grief. In a particularly tragic scene, the stage directions will often state “a three-caper cry”.

Caper boy is a secret profession; I often watch every line of the credits in a movie (to see if the name of my son’s friend who I have met a couple of times appears under Lighting) and you never see “Caper Boy” This proves my point!!!

Ask anyone you know in the acting profession about this and examine their eyes closely as they reply. Note the tightening of the eyes and the over vehement denial, the scorn they express as they desperately try to change the subject. Then you will know this is true.!!

As further evidence, note the link below to a band who show an artist’s impression of capers with all their legs and a link to a song of theirs. The band have been around a while but the system has conspired to prevent them ever releasing a full LP. (I don’t like the song though I would not hold that against them). Observe also the unnaturally high voices, a tell-tale sign of over use of capers in the studio.

https://www.caperparade.com/

spotify:track:4KAJY32kjcHQnZFcUJ8BRG

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Boo hoo and Butter

(9 July 2020) With all the (justified) fuss about clothing factories in Leicester (demonstrating why we need a proper factory inspectorate to ensure minimum acceptable standards) I am proud to announce that this website will no longer be attempting to influence you to buy Boohoo clothing and have removed all their adverts.

Continuing with the “B” theme and in response to my Albanian readers (është “hi atje!!!) who have told me they love the site but that it could do with more recipes, I reflect on butter ( a slightly sickly yellow glow to be honest).

Butter is pretty straightforward stuff- milk a cow, pour off the cream and whizz it up. It is easy to do inadvertently- whip cream too vigorously past the point it becomes stiff, carry on and suddenly it goes yellow and becomes butter. The liquid that comes off is “butter milk”. Trendy restaurants do this and call it “cultured butter” for some reason.

Butter does not spread easily when cold. It is therefore quite easy to use more than you really need. You can always get a bit out of the fridge where it will soften up in a short while but this does not suit the age of immediate gratification. Thus, the clever food manufacturers invented all the various spreads containing many things you will not have in your cupboard.

Then consumers reacted to this semi-chemical paste so the ingenious manufacturers came up with “spreadable butter”- they do contain butter, and rapeseed oil as well as water (clever) and various other stuff.

It is easy to make your own version (I’ve been doing it for years). It spreads beautifully straight from the fridge, so just the right thin amount can be applied. It will separate if left out for too long, so use it and put it back in the fridge.

You can make it with any oil. Rapeseed is best as it has no taste and is one of the highest in unsaturated fats and Omega 3.

Moreover you do not need to buy labelled bottles of rapeseed oil – the generic “vegetable oil is often 100% rapeseed and much cheaper. The nutritional value is identical to the labelled bottles (I have been followed by store detectives as I take bottles to different shelves to compare the nutritional information). This is how you do it.

The recipe for “Keith’s Mix”

Put 150 g butter in hand blender jug.
Add 150 g rapeseed oil
Leave for about an hour for butter to soften
Blend with electric hand blender until there are no lumps
Put into container that will go in fridge
Put in Fridge.

It hardens up within a couple of hours.

Tips.

Do not put into too much oil, it works well with less than half but not with more.

If you wanted to be fancy you could add herbs or garlic or crushed anchovies and similar

This simple table below compares a national supermarket’s butter with its “spreadable” and with Keith’s mix

Content	Butter	“Spreadable”	Mix
Butter	100%	42%	50%
Cream (cow’s milk)	98%		49%
Salt	1.50%	0.9%	1%
Rapeseed oil	No	Yes	50%
Reconstituted Buttermilk	No	Yes	No
Coconut oil	No	Yes	No
Water	No	Yes	No
Colour: Carotenes;	No	Yes	No

Energy KJ	3,062	2,255.	3,227.50
Energy Kcal	745	548	785.00
Fat-g	82.2	60	86.95
Saturates-g	52.1	21.4	29.85
Mono-unsaturates-g	20.9	26.1	37.95
Polyunsaturates-g	2.8	9.2	13.95
Carbohydrate-g	0.6	1.2	0.30
Sugars-g	0.6	0.5	0.30
Protein-g	0.06	0.6	0.03
Salt-g	1.5	0.9	0.75

Content and nutrition (note that the “spreadable” did not state % of other ingredients.

So liberate yourself from chemical spreads and enjoy this kitten with your toast.

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Flagging Energy 3

(3 July 2020) As part of sorting out my mother’s “estate” (as it is grandly called) I have taken over her energy bills. This precipitated two thoughts.

The service is provided by EDF- the world’s largest electricity producer with over 60% of it coming from nuclear power. It is also a French state company. I, in my simple way, fail to understand why the government “privatised” the British State energy producers and then allow the French government to take over. I assume this will change after Brexit and we “take back control”.

However, what outraged me the most was the price my mother was paying.

Her standing charge for electricity was 29.02p and gas was 31.99.

EDF has a consistent standing charge for both of 24.05 and 27.35

So, over a year EDF were taking an extra £21.14, just because they could, from someone not familiar with “switching”.

If you look at this nationally there are 6.5 million households headed by someone over 65 and 3.8 million over 65s live alone.

Given that this group are most likely to be IT illiterate or deficient and assuming 3 million of this group have never switched then some big numbers appear.

On the electric standing charge this generates over £49 million a year and for gas it is less but still just under £14 million.

On standing charge alone this equates to £ 63,414,000 excess revenue.

On the kwh rate she was paying 19.27p for electricity and 3.786 for gas.

EDF’s most expensive tariffs are 17.83 and 3.504.

On their calculations of her usage they were taking an extra £25 for electricity and £21 for gas. Over £80 a year, just like that.

Applying these calculations to the population as above and if it was EDF (and I suspect this is the same for all the older companies) then they are trousering an extra £241,743,840 a year or over £20 million a month.

I am not sure why this is allowed.

I changed the EDF tariffs through a reasonably straightforward online form.

My suggestion for my readers would be, if you know any digitally disadvantaged people, to help them change tariff, even staying with the same company if they are afraid of a switch.

Don’t go to the pub on Saturday as it will be chaotic. Just enjoy this kitten instead.

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Universities and Brains

(28 June 2020) I have been too busy to update recently so apologies to my Chinese readers.

It was interesting this week to see that the government are consulting on a plan for school leavers and other applicants to only proceed with final university applications after their exam results, meaning they would have a clear understanding of the courses for which they qualify.

This is actually a good thing; the news this week has shown the issues with predicted grades ( not always accurate and often biased against the disadvantaged). Further, private schools appear to have been gaming the system (which I would expect if I was paying £38,000 a year to educate a child).

However, if we want to reduce the bias in the admission systems of universities (particularly the so called “top ones”) I propose the following (I will write and tell the government once the consultation is live). It would work like this:

Applicants, knowing their results, would apply for courses, perhaps having a first choice, second choice and so on- maybe no more than ten in total.
If a course is oversubscribed then 90% of the places are allocated entirely at random. This process, being class, race, gender and everything else blind would, at a stroke, ensure a diversity of intake.
“Why?” you cry “90%?”. We do live in an unequal society. I pass no judgement on this. Nonetheless we pretend to be a pure meritocracy and the wealthy game the system through private education and networks. I simply propose making this explicit.
So, 10% of places on any course, at any university, would be for sale on an auction basis, open to all qualified applicants. They do not even need to set up a system- they could simply do a deal with E-Bay.
The rich would still buy their way in but it would be clear and explicit.
And there is more. Money used to buy a course (after admin fee) would be shared amongst the applicants who got in to the course through the ballot-thus giving them a small slice of privilege.

This scheme, which I am sure would be welcomed, would have an interesting effect on private schools who, while, I am sure, still providing a decent education, would lose the hidden advantages for entering higher education; we might see a decline in the sector.

On a different issue – constant despair at the government’s apparent incompetence, which I explained has at its heart the elite’s false perception of “reality”. I was heartened to watch a small talk greatly underpinning this view. It is called “Your brain hallucinates your conscious reality”. Essentially it states that the brain predicts reality (thus optical illusions for example). To me this reinforces my view that governmental incompetence derives from their view of the world being different from us average folk.

So, no kitten this week- watch the clip – 17 minutes of fascination.

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Cheers and Ham

(13 June 2020) Busy week for me as it was my mother’s funeral. It was a shame that the crematorium was bisected by massive power lines.

I am the executor so have to handle all the admin. I went to four banks to do the necessary paperwork and all the staff I dealt with were helpful, professional and kind. So, praise for Co-operative, Nationwide, Santander and Nat West banks. (If bank bots are crawling through this; all based in W5).

While in praising mood I do not normally endorse products. There is a firm who keep emailing me to get various cleaning products to blog about. I fill in the form, give the website details and they never choose me. I am not sure why.

However, I will praise the Mint Magnum which is by far the best of them all. (If Magnum HQ want to send me a crate it will be well received).

Our dog has to take tablets but her paws can not pop them out of the blister pack so I do it and conceal it within the cheapest, most obviously plastic, “ham”. The supermarket had run out and substituted what appeared to be posh air dried etc ham. But the small print said it was made of “Formed Ham”. I wondered what this was.

The internet tells me

First of all the individual meat cuts must stick together and when cooked, retain the shape of the mold without having any holes inside. This is accomplished by producing sticky exudate on the surface of meat pieces. Think of it as glue that binds the individual meat cuts together upon heating. The exudate is formed when the muscle’s cell structure is disrupted which releases protein called myosin. The disrupting of the muscle structure is accomplished by a physical action such as cutting or mechanically working meat pieces inside of the tumbler. For making formed meat products fine cutting or grinding is out of the question and massaging or tumbling is the preferred method. Using mechanical action by itself will tenderize meat but will not produce enough exudate. To release more proteins salt and phosphates are injected to meat prior to tumbling.

In other words, rather than cutting off a pig’s back legs, cooking them and slicing them, (you see these hanging up in delicatessens), they take all sorts of pork flesh lumps, smash them around in a machine (a tumbler) and chemicals so it all sticks together.

Full details available below.

https://www.meatsandsausages.com/hams-other-meats/formed

I am sure that consuming such products is ok (if pork is included in your diet) however, once again, it is the Chicken Theory in action. The rich will always continue to eat proper slices of pig leg, we delude ourselves by eating the mechanically produced stuff (did you ever wonder what they do with the eyelids?).

Delving into this a little further I discovered that Gammon, also pig’s leg, is sold uncooked. I assumed that this would be ok. Sadly not. The expensive gammon is a whole lump, the cheaper lumps are formed. Thus, even though you cook it yourself it is still mechanically produced.

I will cheer myself up with a glass of kitten.

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Clarity, Despair and BBQs

(5 June 2020) Finally got my new glasses today. I have been without a lens for three months and had a couple of years of imperfect vision. Seeing the world with crystal clarity is a grim experience.

The global epidemic gives an interesting contrast in the way governments operate. Ours, who have been in control for the last ten years and twenty-seven of the last forty, do not seem to be very good.

All governments have to make decisions on structures, systems, taxation and regulation, amongst other things. Ours barely appear competent in doing these even adequately. At the heart of it is the way the elite live in their own bubble and see the world differently to us- leading to the wrong solutions. If this is the Anglo-Saxon model then I despair.

This week’s cause is to join the Ban Disposable Barbecues Campaign.

People rightly complain that fools take them into the countryside and set the area ablaze by accident. I question why people need to cook something if having a nice day out- they can just make their own sandwiches or prepare delicious tasty salads. Even with kwin-oh-hah if desired.

I even see people using them in the local park- where they are specifically proscribed

However, the EVEN MORE shocking thing is that they do not work well at cooking food- not enough heat is generated for long enough. So, you set fire to the wild and give yourself food poisoning.

Is that a good day out? Chicken Theory in action- people pretending to be cavewomen- “being in touch with nature etc”.

Finally, it is disposed of – more litter. Waste and resources thrown away.

This has to go onto my list of Things to Ban.

The nice people at change.org have a petition on this- do sign it.

http://chng.it/bQYCjjz4T6

Finally, a picture of the new tracing system overlooking us, taken recently while walking the dog.

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We do not all share the Same Reality

(28 May 2020) I was pleased that the charge for foreign NHS workers to use the NHS was dropped. An (imaginary) senior source said it was my posting that tipped the balance.

Overshadowing all the important news is the story of Mr Cummings and his behaviour. I have little to add immediately other than to ponder on how many people in this country have a relative with a spare house. I am also outraged that he altered a blog post from a year or so ago to provide evidence for his interesting garden speech in a borrowed white shirt.

I wondered why this occurs, how he, and others, can be so out of touch with reality.

I then reflected on “reality” and perception. I can reveal that it is, probably, like this.

There is actual “reality” as would be seen by an extra planetary observer
Each individual perceives “reality as they think it is“- dependent on their development, upbringing, peer group and eye sight etc.
The latter leads them to seeing “reality as it should be“

It is clear, in my mind, that all individuals have different grasps on “actual reality”.

Politicians are often the most disconnected as they are constantly “spinning” events- to the extent that most actually genuinely believe what they are saying. The Instagram phenomena is another example of people adjusting other people’s perception of their own reality; certainly, perceiving one’s self through self-referencing appears to be on the increase. I await the clever sociologists to explain all this.

Similarly, the Brexiteers pictured a reality of down trodden British people under the thumb of wily foreigners. Sadly the Remain camp did not pitch the reality of sad Brits looking in at the party they could not join but tried to use logic and facts which, though objectively correct, did not chime with the perceived reality of the Leave voters.

How is this relevant to this week’s story?

Mr Cummings, Mr Johnson et al all originate from the narrow upper echelons of society. They both were privately educated (only 7% of the population are) and went to “Oxbridge”- (being part of the 1% who follow this path. To quote from the Social Mobility Commission

“The research finds that power rests with a narrow section of the population – the 7% who attend private schools and 1% who graduate from Oxford and Cambridge. The report reveals a ‘pipeline’ from fee-paying schools through to Oxbridge and into top jobs. 52% of leading figures in some professions, for example, senior judges, came through this pathway, with an average of 17% across all top jobs. 39% of cabinet ministers, at the time of the analysis in Spring 2019, were independently educated. This is in contrast with the shadow cabinet, of which just 9% attended a private school.

The full report is a salutary read (link)https://www.gov.uk/government/news/elitism-in-britain-2019

Therefore, while I feel no sympathy for their actions the frightening aspect is that they genuinely do not think they have done anything wrong; it does not just compute in their mindset.

It is obvious that reform is required.

Perceptions of reality is something I will return to-it is the Chicken Theory in action.

To cheer me up and thanks to Bridget Riley who created the picture below, showing the fluidity of perception.

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Stealing from the Warehouse

(21 May 2020) The less polluted air at the moment is a blessing and has led to record solar power output though it does exacerbate the unusual heat. This week I should have been on holiday, my last one in Europe while we were still friends. Instead- today I fume at the papers (or rather their content).

My outrage commences at the government charging our key healthcare workers, who come from abroad (from October) £624 pa to use the NHS they prop up. They, also, do not pay them enough to be allowed to come here in the first place once we are cast adrift from Europe. This is just obviously wrong and is a manifestation of the severe cognitive dissonance exhibited by leading figures in the government (though I fear they do not suffer inner pain).

However today’s reflection is about warehousing.

We have all read about “The private firm contracted to run the government’s stockpile of personal protective equipment (PPE) was beset by “chaos” at its warehouse that may have resulted in delays in deploying vital supplies to healthcare workers…, The full story is here

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/14/coronavirus-uk-privately-run-ppe-stockpile-chaos-movianto.

What puzzles my simple mind is why a facility as vital as the nation’s (i.e. our) supply of vital equipment is looked after by a private company- a subsidiary of an American company.

The contact is reported to be worth £10.5 million a year. Assuming it is for five years that is a cost of £52.5 million. This was awarded to OM Moviantio, OM being Owens and Minor the American owner of the subsidiary.

OM’s annual report for 2019 stares that their gross margin on revenue is 12.25%

So, assuming nothing special they would expect to get a gross margin (basically profit) of nearly six and a half million pounds over the contract (£6,431,250 to be precise) and in a year would expect £1,286,250.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with profit, I had a nice ice cream yesterday and don’t mind if the maker gets a few pennies from me- I need not eat ice cream. However, if I am in hospital the people treating me have to wear PPE, I need them to wear it and do have an issue with the warehouse company (Logistics to use posh name) making money- even more so if it goes overseas rather than being spent in this country.

The story of the warehouse failure seemed to indicate not employing enough staff (who cost money) and not organising the warehouse correctly- which is not competent.

It is here that the perils of letting private interests run national facilities becomes apparent.

In essence the workers do the work and are managed by the managers. Even if they are paid the “going rate” they have to operate with less resources (as money is taken out for profit). So even if “public” sector was slightly less efficient, for some reason, I fail to see that it could be over 12% worse. “An Efficient business” in the private sector essentially means paying workers the minimum they can get away with.

The most telling quote in the story, from the company was

the company had “executed the agreed plan” to mobilise the stockpile without any delay and in accordance with its contractual obligations.

So, there is no suggestion that the company did anything wrong -demonstrating “The Rule for Private interests taking over Public Functions”

The best and most talented people who work for them are the sales team who are very good at their jobs.

The other team of talents are the contract lawyers and contact managers who tie up the public sector in knots when anything out of the ordinary occurs.

The workers are the ones paid as little as the company can get away with.

Logistics is not quantum computing; it is complex and needs structures and processes; however, there are plenty of people who can do it and there is a whole wealth of a profession behind it.

There is an institute of Supply Chain Management https://www.ioscm.com/about/why-ioscm/

One can do a masters in this https://london.ac.uk/courses/supply-chain-management

One can become a chartered member of a professional body https://ciltuk.org.uk/About-Us

And so on.

My actual point is that there must be plenty of trained and capable people in the UK who could run this service as part of the public sector without filching a million or so a year for shareholders to spend on guns and burgers.

I also note that this facility of ours is being sold to a private French company EHDH where they will doubtless spend the million (paid from our taxes) or so on organic free-range snails and fine wines.

I assume the company is run by a very nice man- you can read an interview with him here,

Interview: Stephane Baudry – President, EHDH, France

My sad conclusion is total despair that our rulers are so ideologically biased against so many things that are public sector that they put their trust in global companies rather than the British people- I am not even suggesting corruption (which at least would make sense) it is just dogged ideology.

To cheer me up here is a picture at an early attempt at weaponising kittens-note the early death ray on its back.

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Haircuts in the New Age

(14 May 2020) Today, Nick Cave was meant to see me at the O2 tonight so he is probably feeling a little sad at the concert’s postponement.

The lockdown (sort of) continues, I think, though I remain reassured by the clear and decisive leadership shown by this government.

Undertaking social distancing while dog walking, the cold wind ruffling my unruly hair, I started thinking about haircuts. I would have had one around the start of lockdown and possibly am due another. (In half a mind to avoid the barber and grow a pony tail but I do not have a battered denim waistcoat.)

So, the missing haircut is “Lost Output” from the Gross National Product (GNP but it is not that important and leaves no lasting effect. Thus, what is the longer effect on the economy?

Roughly 250,000 people work in the industry in the UK so they will be suffering- particularly as around 54% are self-employed and have to apply for universal credit.

Further all the missing haircuts will not be replaced and it is possible that (some) people have learnt to do their own (properly).

Many Barbers and hairdressers are very small businesses. Over half of them in the industry turn over less than £99,000 a year – which is not a lot given the cost of premises, business rates and razor blades etc. Two thirds of the businesses employ less than five people and with 94% having less than ten employees, the loss of work, at least a third of the year, is likely to be significant for many in the industry. Finally, around half of the people who work in the industry are aged between 16-34.

I thought I would try to quantify this loss. My own experience cannot be extrapolated as I only pay a tenner when I go to my basement barbers- where the Lebanese gentlemen genuflect slightly and say “The usual boss?” I feel it is impolite to refuse.

I thus searched for some better figures. The industry turns over £8 billion a year (coincidentally the same figure as Apple borrowed from the US government to buy back their own shares which makes sense but is too dull to explain and does put this country in its global place.)

I assumed 45 million people pay for haircuts (excluding small children, the genetically bald and headshavers as well as those I see who appear to cut their own, outside on a dark and windy night with kitchen scissors)

This works out to a delightfully precise figure on of £178.78 per head.

I am not sure how many of my readers will want to spend this once we get the “New Normal”; I predict, sadly, the end of many small hairdressers (businesses not individuals of limited height) and jobs for younger people and a “business opportunity” for supermarkets and others who have prospered; leading to the reality of that schoolyard sneer

“Where did you get that haircut?” (pause for dramatic effect”)

“At Tesco’s? (cue cruel laughter from the onlookers).

Here’s a few kittens and a song from Nick.

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Goodbye Florian (and hopefully not) election

(7 May 2020) I would have voted (wisely) today if the elections had not been cancelled. It is also worrying when any form of democracy is removed. Although the reasons on this occasion are reasonable, I hope no precedent is set.

On a personal level I was planning to launch C.A.B.B.I.E (Campaign Against Blatant Bias in Elections) but with no electoral context this awaits another day.

It was sad that Florian Schneider died; while I did not think about him much, I have always loved the music.

I bought the album pictured at the end in 1971.The music has lasted nearly 50 years so could probably now be called classical. This album can’t be found on Spotify.

Finally, as VE day approaches (Victory in Europe not over Europe) here is a European song.

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