Trying to make sense of a changing world while not really knowing how to do a website and trying to update a couple of times a month
I won’t have access to the internet for a couple of weeks; I hope you will manage.
I have (probably) installed an option to “subscribe” i.e if you do you will be automatically emailed when a new thought appears. This is on the right hand side.
With pubs now a bit open here is a picture of one of my hobbies.
(14 July 2020) This week I am pleased to announce that I have uncovered a worldwide secret- one which will shame the acting profession. It has been hidden for centuries; only now will it be revealed.
I refer to the caper, a pointless pickled lump found in jars with no apparent purpose other than being another pizza topping.
It all started in the early half of the 18th Century with a jobbing gardener -Lancelot Brown.
He did bits and pieces for the wealthy in their gardens but his great love was the theatre and all his spare time was spent hanging around the theatrical scene in London. He was a well-known “face”, known as “Billy” to his friends.
One fine summer day he made the discovery that changed his life. Tidying up a scruffy corner in the grounds of a large country house he noticed something stirring in the undergrowth. Fortunately, he had a large magnifying class in his apron; peering through it he saw some tiny creatures scurrying about. He picked one up, inadvertently crushing it to death in his strong fingers. Immediately he was overwhelmed with extreme sadness and tears poured down his rugged features. Using his coarse woven smock to wipe away the tears he picked up another one and crushed it. He experienced the same feeling and marking the spot he collected some of the creatures for his return to London.
That evening he met Madelaine (an actor who in later life found fame when she moved to France and invented a small almond based cake). She was known for her comic abilities but had just gained a lead role in a serious drama requiring real tears on stage. She was worried about her ability to do this. Billy reached into his pocket and crushed a creature under her nose. She dissolved in floods of tears. Eureka! “What is that? she asked tearfully.
Hurriedly Billy thought of the way the creatures capered around their nest and blurted “capers”
He kept her supplied with a steady stock; she was a huge success bursting into tears when required, (and unsettling some of the audience in the front rows).
Billy started growing small caper colonies in all the gardens he worked on to maintain and increase his stock. His fame spread and suddenly he was in great demand by all those in the profession who required instant tears. His nickname became “Caper Billy Brown.”
He did not take money, just asked his clients to recommend his gardening skills, which they did gladly, thus providing him with such a steady income that he employed a small team of gardeners to do most of the work. He focussed on growing small caper colonies in hidden corners. Even today, should you be the kind of person who enjoys visiting 18th century gardens, go to a far south facing corner and there will be a slightly unkempt patch where the capers live.
As time moved inexorably on his name became corrupted to Capability Brown as Billy was seen as a proletarian name amongst the upper echelons.
Some actors were squeamish at crushing a live creature between their fingers; undaunted Billy experimented and found that by putting the creatures into a strong brine solution not only did their little legs drop off but that their lachrymose powers were retained. (They normally strain off the legs but if you inspect the bottom of a jar closely there are often one or two remaining).
Billy then went into serious production. Cleverly, once everyone was using “Billy’s Bottled Tears”, he created a rumour that these were exotic flower buds, grown overseas- a falsehood that still exists to this very day.
The use of capers remains a guilty secret in the acting profession. Actors like to show they can act; when asked how they manage to appear sad they talk earnestly of remembering their dead grandmother or dying children in a far-off continent. They never say they crush a small creature to get the required emotion.
How can you spot usage? It is concealed until you know how to look for it. When someone bursts into tears there is a close up of their face.
What you can’t see is the “Caper boy” (the person on set who guards the capers) kneeling down out of shot and crushing a caper. When the camera pans back the proffered handkerchief or sleeve is also caper infused to keep up the grief. In a particularly tragic scene, the stage directions will often state “a three-caper cry”.
Caper boy is a secret profession; I often watch every line of the credits in a movie (to see if the name of my son’s friend who I have met a couple of times appears under Lighting) and you never see “Caper Boy” This proves my point!!!
Ask anyone you know in the acting profession about this and examine their eyes closely as they reply. Note the tightening of the eyes and the over vehement denial, the scorn they express as they desperately try to change the subject. Then you will know this is true.!!
As further evidence, note the link below to a band who show an artist’s impression of capers with all their legs and a link to a song of theirs. The band have been around a while but the system has conspired to prevent them ever releasing a full LP. (I don’t like the song though I would not hold that against them). Observe also the unnaturally high voices, a tell-tale sign of over use of capers in the studio.
(9 July 2020) With all the (justified) fuss about clothing factories in Leicester (demonstrating why we need a proper factory inspectorate to ensure minimum acceptable standards) I am proud to announce that this website will no longer be attempting to influence you to buy Boohoo clothing and have removed all their adverts.
Continuing with the “B” theme and in response to my Albanian readers (është “hi atje!!!) who have told me they love the site but that it could do with more recipes, I reflect on butter ( a slightly sickly yellow glow to be honest).
Butter is pretty straightforward stuff- milk a cow, pour off the cream and whizz it up. It is easy to do inadvertently- whip cream too vigorously past the point it becomes stiff, carry on and suddenly it goes yellow and becomes butter. The liquid that comes off is “butter milk”. Trendy restaurants do this and call it “cultured butter” for some reason.
Butter does not spread easily when cold. It is therefore quite easy to use more than you really need. You can always get a bit out of the fridge where it will soften up in a short while but this does not suit the age of immediate gratification. Thus, the clever food manufacturers invented all the various spreads containing many things you will not have in your cupboard.
Then consumers reacted to this semi-chemical paste so the ingenious manufacturers came up with “spreadable butter”- they do contain butter, and rapeseed oil as well as water (clever) and various other stuff.
It is easy to make your own version (I’ve been doing it for years). It spreads beautifully straight from the fridge, so just the right thin amount can be applied. It will separate if left out for too long, so use it and put it back in the fridge.
You can make it with any oil. Rapeseed is best as it has no taste and is one of the highest in unsaturated fats and Omega 3.
Moreover you do not need to buy labelled bottles of rapeseed oil – the generic “vegetable oil is often 100% rapeseed and much cheaper. The nutritional value is identical to the labelled bottles (I have been followed by store detectives as I take bottles to different shelves to compare the nutritional information). This is how you do it.
The recipe for “Keith’s Mix”
It hardens up within a couple of hours.
Tips.
Do not put into too much oil, it works well with less than half but not with more.
If you wanted to be fancy you could add herbs or garlic or crushed anchovies and similar
This simple table below compares a national supermarket’s butter with its “spreadable” and with Keith’s mix
| Content | Butter | “Spreadable” | Mix |
| Butter | 100% | 42% | 50% |
| Cream (cow’s milk) | 98% | 49% | |
| Salt | 1.50% | 0.9% | 1% |
| Rapeseed oil | No | Yes | 50% |
| Reconstituted Buttermilk | No | Yes | No |
| Coconut oil | No | Yes | No |
| Water | No | Yes | No |
| Colour: Carotenes; | No | Yes | No |
| Energy KJ | 3,062 | 2,255. | 3,227.50 |
| Energy Kcal | 745 | 548 | 785.00 |
| Fat-g | 82.2 | 60 | 86.95 |
| Saturates-g | 52.1 | 21.4 | 29.85 |
| Mono-unsaturates-g | 20.9 | 26.1 | 37.95 |
| Polyunsaturates-g | 2.8 | 9.2 | 13.95 |
| Carbohydrate-g | 0.6 | 1.2 | 0.30 |
| Sugars-g | 0.6 | 0.5 | 0.30 |
| Protein-g | 0.06 | 0.6 | 0.03 |
| Salt-g | 1.5 | 0.9 | 0.75 |
So liberate yourself from chemical spreads and enjoy this kitten with your toast.
(3 July 2020) As part of sorting out my mother’s “estate” (as it is grandly called) I have taken over her energy bills. This precipitated two thoughts.
The service is provided by EDF- the world’s largest electricity producer with over 60% of it coming from nuclear power. It is also a French state company. I, in my simple way, fail to understand why the government “privatised” the British State energy producers and then allow the French government to take over. I assume this will change after Brexit and we “take back control”.
However, what outraged me the most was the price my mother was paying.
Her standing charge for electricity was 29.02p and gas was 31.99.
EDF has a consistent standing charge for both of 24.05 and 27.35
So, over a year EDF were taking an extra £21.14, just because they could, from someone not familiar with “switching”.
If you look at this nationally there are 6.5 million households headed by someone over 65 and 3.8 million over 65s live alone.
Given that this group are most likely to be IT illiterate or deficient and assuming 3 million of this group have never switched then some big numbers appear.
On the electric standing charge this generates over £49 million a year and for gas it is less but still just under £14 million.
On standing charge alone this equates to £ 63,414,000 excess revenue.
On the kwh rate she was paying 19.27p for electricity and 3.786 for gas.
EDF’s most expensive tariffs are 17.83 and 3.504.
On their calculations of her usage they were taking an extra £25 for electricity and £21 for gas. Over £80 a year, just like that.
Applying these calculations to the population as above and if it was EDF (and I suspect this is the same for all the older companies) then they are trousering an extra £241,743,840 a year or over £20 million a month.
I am not sure why this is allowed.
I changed the EDF tariffs through a reasonably straightforward online form.
My suggestion for my readers would be, if you know any digitally disadvantaged people, to help them change tariff, even staying with the same company if they are afraid of a switch.
Don’t go to the pub on Saturday as it will be chaotic. Just enjoy this kitten instead.
